7-107

Published: November 29, 2023

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. What the fuck?

In no uncertain terms, you need to know that this restroom is the hottest spot on campus. When I went on Thanksgiving day, the door was propped open with a doorstop and, as far as I can tell, this room is the only source of heat for all of lobby 7. The devil weeps in jealous angst at the fiery* hell this bathroom has accomplished. I think that I could cook an egg on the floor of this bathroom. I think my ass has a burn the shape of the toilet seat on it.

Luckily for me, I’m from Phoenix, Arizona, and it wasn’t too bad in here. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that the window was completely open and it was still 100 degrees in the restroom when it was 30 degrees outside. Nor was I bothered by the fact that the counter-top was hot to the touch right next to the radiator, or that if you happen to graze the radiator you would wind up in the hospital for 6 weeks. Nope, to me it was just another day. In fact, I actually came in here later this week to warm myself up after being out in the cold for a while.

Now, you’ve been in an infinite bathroom, and once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. Same floors, same walls, similar sinks, stalls, soap, ambience, and all. What made this bathroom noteworthy besides the heat is what happened to me in it. First, I practically had to strip naked to use the stall. I took off my coat first and hung it up. After a while I got too warm and took off my hoodie. Gave it a bit longer and took off my button up. At this point, I’m running out of layers. My pants are down by my ankles and I’m wearing only the t-shirt with it being 30 degrees out. Luckily I didn’t need to strip anymore but I cut it close.

Next, a cop walked in and took a fat piss in the urinal. He did not wash his hands before leaving the restroom. Make of that what you will.

Then, a tall man walked into one of the stalls. He was so tall, he towered over the stall walls, and was given the opportunity to peer into neighboring stalls, or maintain eye contact with people washing their hands. I personally wouldn’t mind that, but I can see how others would, so I’m glad nobody else was in the restroom at this point.

I left soon after but I knew I had to return; so much had happened and I didn’t have the opportunity to take pictures so I came back later the same week. It was Thanksgiving day, and when I went to take pictures, I used the doorstop to keep the door closed from the inside. This mostly worked. Somebody tried to come in, met resistance, and, from what I can tell uncomfortably left. Unfortunately, it moved the doorstop so that if someone tried again, it would not be hard to get in. I did like that this method worked at least once.

So did I like this restroom? Or did I just experience novelty in the everyday? Did I truly enjoy the amenities, or am I just finding beauty in the ordinary?

The second one. VERDICT: 3/5. Plain and simple.

* Isn't it weird that "fire" is spelled "f-i-r-e" but "fiery" is spelled "f-i-e-r-y"? Why does the 'e' and 'r' switch places?