68-169

Published: January 20, 2024

Today I met with an informant to find a new bathroom. I passed the time by talking about alleged troubles in my interpersonal relationships. With every tear I shed it felt like my pee was getting yellower and yellower, bladder fuller and fuller. Eventually, she finally had to go to class and I was able to get to why I was really there.

“Know any good bathrooms?” I asked. “Hmm,” she mused. “Oh! The ones in the bio building are elite.”

Photo of bathroom sink and trashcan with regular lighting
Merriam-Webster defines "Elite" as "superior in quality, rank, skill, etc".

Well, there’s no accounting for taste. I must admit, this bathroom didn’t knock me down the first time I saw it. That’s why I walked out and walked back in, but unfortunately, same thing. I took one of the stalls, biding my time until the room had cleared out and it was just me, the bathroom, and my camera. This is when the real work began.

First thing I noticed was next to me in the stall were these calcified water stains. They looked bad but upon closer inspection smelled fine so I didn’t worry about these ones. I did worry about how many of them there are. These stains are everywhere. People might make a mountain out of this, but if you were to scrape all the residue from them and put it in a pile, I say it’d be no larger than a molehill.

Photo of water stains on purple wall of bathroom stall.
Kinda nasty in my humble honest opinion (imhho)

Now this restroom also comes with something most restrooms on campus don’t: a plunger. If you’re a student who specializes in pushing shit down, I know you’re cheesing at the screen right now, planning your next visit to 68-169.

Plunger next to toilet in stall.
No caption for this photo, it speaks for itself.

The floor, unfortunately, had many paper towel bits strewn across it. Most say less than a yard away from the trash can. I have decided to not take away points from this bathroom for this, but I have changed my opinion of the biology department.

A very small fire alarm on wall.
You're so cute yes you are yes you are 🥹
Urinal inside of a stall usually reserved for a toilet.
Awwww. Well aren't you shy!

Finally, let us get into the raw aesthetic of this bathroom. I’m not an idiot, and neither are you dear reader: it’s absolutely gorgeous. The ornate violet stall doors and walls contrasted with the golden oak stain door has been a highlight of my bathroom career, and perfectly captures the design philosophy of the 1990’s. The cute details from the little “aren’t you the cutest little thing yes you are yes you are” style fire alarm to the “so demure, so-shy urinal that needs it’s own stall”. And if you turn down the lighting a bit? Well this might just be the perfect place for a date.

Warm sexy lighting in bathroom to give romantic feel.
If I invite you out here, that's how you know I care.

This is a bathroom that’s got life and personality. It is beautiful and harrowing all at once, and honestly it is naive to believe we can rate every bathroom on a 0-5 plunger scale.

But we can rate this one: 3.5/5 plungers