4-452

Published: November 26, 2023

Photo of trashcan in bathroom — **Big trashcan, small hole**

I didn’t mean to end up in this bathroom today. In fact, I was going to go to the bathroom just two floors down, 4-266, to admire the gorgeous views of killian court* while at the same time squeezing the lemons (or pushing the coconut!) But today God had different plans for me. I started on the third floor, and in the staircase corridor, I made a split-second decision to go up instead of down. I’ve always said my gut instinct is the thing keeping me alive, and as my gut churned today, I knew I was right.

Photo of allegedly locked door — **The allegedly locked door**

Going up, I had to get past a locked door requiring tap access. Unfortunately, I didn’t have tap access. Fortunately, MIT cares very little about the physical security of many of its locations, and I was just able to open the door and get in.

View of how snug the bathroom is — **Snug, ain't it?**

Reader, I won’t stand here, piss on your leg and tell you it’s raining: you know as well as I do that this is not the most beautiful bathroom you’ve ever seen. It doesn’t bring you to your knees, weeping for the miracle unfolding before you. No. It’s just another shitter. Ah, but dear reader, you don’t see what I see. When I walked in, it felt like I had walked into a sci-fi novel. That I was on the ship of the SS Intergalactic, and this was its bathroom. Worries of Psets, relationships, meaning, and purpose, all melted it’s way out of my heart like butter in a hot skillet. I fully embraced the fantasy unfolding before me.

Photo of cone urinals — **Piss is one-way with this contraption.**

The urinals were of an advanced nature, far beyond what we typically found on earth. Conical all the way so that you don’t splash yourself with droplets of piss (though this is a disadvantage if you’re into that). Lighting that projects up onto the walls, bathing the room in a golden sunlight you can’t burn your eyes on by looking at. Pipes in the ceiling, coated in 39 layers of dust; a strong show of history and power. One toilet and stall which are orthogonal to the rest, simply because this bathroom is accepting of all perspectives and orientations (as long as you identify as a man). This bathroom was soothing. It was bliss.

View from the toilet at pipes in ceiling — **This is what you see if you sit at the toilet and look up.**

I won’t tell you it’s my favorite, but it did bring me a joy I didn’t expect. The views don’t have to be good when there’s already so much good around you.

VERDICT: 4/5 plungers

* astute readers will notice I mention bathroom 4-266 and wanting to admire the view despite giving it a null review last week. As a human reviewer, you must understand that my opinion about things changes arbitrarily entirely based on my life circumstances.