4-266

Published: September 21, 2023

As a kid, my dad would often take me to work with him when he needed help. As a poor family, things needed to come cheap and there’s no cheaper labor than not paying a child; no W2s to fiddle with or HR to worry about. Just you, your boy who works at half the speed as an adult, and a $5.99 meal from Jack in the Box to keep him afloat. Yup, I was in heaven. I look back on these times as fond memories of bonding with my dad, and this bathroom reminded me of a day with my dad. We demolished the walls of a house, joking to one another about “being like the kool-aid man”. We tore down walls and insulation until our skin and lungs were coated with kicked up drywall dust and fiberglass. After a day of this, it was time to clean up. We loaded up the back of his American-made F-150 until it couldn’t hold anymore and the frame had dropped 6 inches from the weight. Then, we drove to a place I’d only ever though about while watching Wall-E: the dump. We drove the buckling vehicle in through the gate. We parked in the middle of the lot, piles and piles of trash scattered about with the randomness of paint splatters. My dad put the vehicle in park, opened his door. I did the same, using my body weight to push the door open, and swinging my legs out to get out the car.

All I remember from her is the color and the smell. Suddenly, it felt, everything was covered in the green and brown juices of mixing every commercially available chemical cleaner, solvent, and oil. The ground was both slippery and sticky at the same time. And the aroma assaulted my nostrils, forcing me to helplessly scrunch my nose and hold my breath, as if it would matter. The only way forward was to get used to this. This was my life until the truck rose 6 inches.

Bathroom 4-266 reminded me of this experience. I blame no man or institution for this; when nature calls, one must answer no matter the consequences. I wish I could tel you about this restroom; the large windows that are completely clear and probably could let an onlooker from the courtyard look at you taking a piss if they wanted, the long row of stalls and urinals opposite one another, the sinks that were at the end of the entrance hallway that perfectly mediated the flow of bathroom traffic. Unfortunately, I cannot. I did not manage to heal my inner child, and I scrunched my nose and held my breath. I couldn’t even get any pictures.

VERDICT: null/5 plungers